I am overflowing today. I have had amazing conversation with five different people over the course of the past thirty hours and my heart is completely full. As much as I enjoy being in busy social environments surrounded by groups of people that I am familiar with, nothing can compare to having candid one-on-one conversations with people I love and trust. My ability to have these types of conversations has dramatically improved in the past several months. As time passes, I am becoming more and more confident when it comes to expressing things that I’m thinking and feeling. I believe that this is directly related to having a healthy self esteem (which has always been of a struggle of mine – I’ll admit it). Having confidence is key when it comes to sharing these parts of myself because without it, I am constantly questioning if what I have to say matters, if what I feel holds any real significance. I have always questioned whether my opinions are as important as the opinions of others, or if the things I think are true are still relevant if someone that is important to me disagrees.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on my relationships lately and focusing on investing my soul into people who value it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they always agree with everything I believe, but that they respect it. I’ve spent so much of my life holding on to people whose presence in my life left me feeling unintelligent, less worthy, and empty. I’ve come to the realization that relationships shouldn’t feel like a tension-filled tug of war – but rather a flowing give and take. Since understanding this, I have had some of the most inspiring conversations of my life with people who make me feel like I have something to offer. I have learned how I want others to respond to me and also how to respond to others. I am finally starting to expect people to treat me like my thoughts and opinions are important, while simultaneously learning to treat others like their thoughts and opinions are important. Because they are. You hear that? Your thoughts and opinions matter.
I read this on “That Kind of Woman” the other day and completely related.
“I have a tough time with some people, they come off as judgmental to me, and I take that personally. These people, ones I have tried to dedicate time to, time to foster trust and kinship. And yet, I just don’t please them. I am not funny, or I don’t think before I speak. I doubt myself, I doubt my perception of things, and my ability to communicate.
It’s such an uncomfortable feeling for me since I never feel that way, except in these situations, with these people. A rare moment where my skin crawls and my throat tightens and I feel like bursting into tears. Why? I mean really, why do I immediately feel as though a dagger has found it’s way between my ribs?
It’s me. It’s my foolish attempt to mend things that I can’t see or fix. To blindly try and please. Such a horrible feeling. Not knowing what is wrong nor how to fix it. Fleeting, but so vivid when it happens again.”
If you’ve felt that way, scroll down and read the quote I posted in yesterday’s Friday Favorites – ‘cause it’s a good one.
You matter. Happy Saturday.