Life in the Waves.
May 1, 2014
Filed Under: Personal
This post is something that’s been in the back of my mind since late January. I’ve composed it mentally countless times, but each draft has somehow escaped me and now I’m sitting here empty minded and without a sense of direction at all. This is one of those posts where the keys feel like they are pushing themselves and the words are magically tumbling onto the screen.
Well, here it goes – I’m moving. This born and raised Grand Rapids gal has decided to try Los Angeles on for size.
If you’ve been reading along for a little while now, you may remember the post that I did about a year ago titled “The New Plan“, which was about my newfound excitement to embrace the unknown. Over the past year, I’ve watched the life that I built according to my “plan” turn into something completely different and unexpected. I’ve let go of a marriage, a house, a business, and now it’s time to let go of this city as well.
Last summer I spent a weekend up north with Mae and she snapped this photo of me in Lake Michigan. I distinctly remember a conversation that we had the day this picture was taken. As we stood in the waves, I closed my eyes and rested my palms on the surface of the water. I embraced the feeling of my body being lightly pushed while keeping my feet planted in the rippling sand. I told her that that moment felt like a true representation of the new way I had recently decided to approach life … remaining open to the natural ebb and flow of existence – allowing experiences to sway and move me – while remaining rooted. I refuse to close myself off to what the universe may have in store for me but I also firmly insist on keeping a strong sense of self in the process.
I leave on May 26 and there is no new plan. There are only wide eyes eager to embrace new experiences and open hands ready to catch each opportunity that come their way. I feel both brave and terrified – and sometimes I want to pack my car up and start driving that very second and other times I want to cut myself off from the world and hide in my parents basement for the rest of my life. I’ve been crying more than usual, but smiling even more often as well – And yes, for every voice in my head that says, “you can do this!” there are ten more that say, “maybe you can’t” but I’m listening selectively.
A friend recently referred to me as “limitless”, and while I feel like that’s a big word to live up to, I’m prepared to live like it’s the truth. I intend to stay open, lighthearted, lively, adventurous, passionate, bold, intentional, excitable, optimistic, and probably a little scared … but I’m certainly not going to call that a “plan”.
See you in less than a month, LA. You’re big and beautiful and incredibly intimidating, but I can’t wait to get to know you.